谢谢你的关怀

Life comes with ups and downs. Everything in life brings positive and negative effects. Job, lifestyle, friends and acquaintances, hopes and dreams, life partner, parents and those darn relatives.. Every single one of these and other aspects in life is packaged with good and bad. I bet any random person will agree.

Most times we only amplify on the positive and ignore the negative altogether. Then we get mad and disappointed when they all come plummeting down on us. But in the beginning, didn’t we make an informed choice? What’s the point of getting angry and disappointed at something that you already know BUT (note this:) CHOSE TO IGNORE!!!! If somebody was to be blamed for another’s ignorance, really, there would be far too many lawsuits and court cases and there would only be police, lawyers and judges in this world and no other profession.

Just because stupid things happen, it’s no reason for us to be stupid and react stupidly, without any sense. Just because we chose to ignore the “thorns” amongst the beautiful bed of roses, doesn’t mean we can yell and demand for everything to suit our way. Whatever choice we make, we live with it. What’s the point of getting upset and harboring resentment to the point of no return, blaming every other human being, but yourself for your own stupidity. Sure, at times, we may hope to gain some measure of pity but for most times, it will never be granted.

Life is harsh but made so only by ourselves and our choices. How we choose to react and feel about something affects our quality of life, state of mind and physical wellbeing. But at those times that you feel neglected and overwhelmed with feelings that are unbearable, note that there are certain people who truly care and are always there for you when need time. For those who have the capability to make me smile again, thank you for your care.

Time to wake up…

How warm it is to be loved!
But as of now, it is up to imagination, “borrowed” from elsewhere. Even in the past when I was dating my ex, it felt warm, though it didn’t occur many times.. (sorry, when I was younger, I was harder to please..)

I couldn’t help but feel a little emo lately.. Blame it on the Taiwanese drama I’m currently watching and the combined weird signals I’ve been receiving and the envy I have for other girls who are erm.. “not single”. For one, everytime I watch a silly romance drama, I seem to be filled with emotions, be it envy or just the warmth feeling of love.. And that is when I am awakened to my status – single and available.

For one thing I guess if I wanted to be married, it wouldn’t be difficult. And even to be “taken” and not be single would be quite easy. I’m a girl and there are numerous single guys out there. So yes, in a way you can say that I bring this predicament upon myself.

I won’t say I’m looking for the perfect one but I really just need the right one. Guys who claim to love and yearn satisfaction for their lust are certainly not my idea of “right”. But as someone once told me, meeting him, falling in love and happily ever after only occurs in movies and dramas. Things work out accordingly to the scriptwriter’s imagination. But in reality, it’s far more complicated!

Unfortunately, guys don’t make things easier either. The things they say and do can make one’s brain go wild. Even if you try to excuse them as fiction, it keeps popping up, just like a stubborn pimple. In my experience I’ve had many. Yes, more than one, two or even three.. The worst would be those whom I have had crushes on and very clearly know that they are too perfect to be reached..!!

The point is to give up or shamelessly persevere? I’d like to view it as a dream.. And like the dreams we sink into every night, we must wake up when morning comes. To save myself, my fragile heart and my even more fragile confidence and dignity.., it always seemed better to just let go and suffer a little silent pain. No embarassment, no further pain of finding out other painful truths.

It’s fun to dream and borrow the happiness, delight and warm love between two lovers.. But maybe it’s time to return this “borrowed” happiness and love.. Cease thinking and giving fuel to imagination of unrealistic expectations. Just let go, pick myself up and move on. After repeating a couple of times, it hardens my heart and I. I seem to feel that I won’t find that right one ever. Even if I did, he would be taken or interested in someone else. I’ll never be good enough for him. This is one show where the underdogs don’t win. Haha..

Yet, I’m still feeling drowsy.. My heart still hopes despite the my mind’s ironic thoughts.

Grateful for today…

I am tired!

4 days of shopping like a compulsive shopaholic with my partner (so Aileen calls my colleague, Keiko) and we are simply exhausted. Shopping is fun when you shop for yourself, buying stuff you like. But it is definitely not fun when it’s part of your job and you have to return them after 1 week. In these 5 days I can safely say that we have brought enough bags and shoes and clothes to open a boutique ourselves. No wonder my editor named my section as my “BIG PROJECT”. Yea, I’ve learned my lesson and will never be this ambitious ever again.. until I get more help.. and a bigger car (or I might need a truck!)

After 4 days of carrying enormous piles of “harvest”, I could hardly feel my hands and legs. But I’m thankful for the little bright things that brighten my life. I met up with people whom I have not met in a long time.. Be it a few minutes or even seconds, it was refreshing enough. And the best thing today was, I had a kind helper to  help carry our harvest, well, at least one load of them. Thank you. (Oh yea, I forgot to thank you in person.. better send you a message now, haha!) Yup, they say once a month, I’m like a rich lady, shopping and “harvesting” loads of bags and shoes and clothes.. but I feel more like a maid or a butler (a manservant) with 5 bags on each arm.. It really was refreshing to have a guy carrying stuff. As he said, it was like a movie of a rich guy carrying stuff for his shopaholic girlfriend.. Only he never imagined there were so many bags. LOL..

Yup, I’m grateful for a friend like you. What are you thankful for this day?

Have you ever..?

Have you ever felt as if you were dangling on the cliff, holding on to a little tree branch as you try to struggle your way back up to safety, praying hard that you do not plunge down to the waters some 1000 feet below?

Have you ever felt as if you were in a sealed room, with no visible means of escape and the level of oxygen in the room is depleting with each breath you inhale? The cold sweat and shivers down your spine, the panic attack, the suffocation as oxygen supply to your heart decreases – can you even imagine how it feels like?

I have! No, not physically, of course! (that’s why the question was have you ever felt AS IF…) What I mean here is mentally.

There are times in life when I feel just helpless.. as if dangling at the edge of a cliff, holding on to my life on a tiny little branch as I struggle to push myself up to safe ground lest the little branch breaks and sends me down however far beneath to the vast waters. There are time when I feel really REALLY tired of pulling myself up and imagined myself “letting go” as it were. Some may think of it as pure stupidity. But really, you’d come to a point and think, “Is this really worth my effort?” Till now I have not found my answer.

“You reap what you sow…”

A familiar saying? This is where it comes from: “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” – Galatians 6:7 (KJV)

Each and every one of us would have heard this wise saying from the Holy Scriptures, in part or whole, at least once in their entire life. No matter one’s religion, background, education level, nationality, ethnicity – this wise saying reminds us of our conduct and how we should act. Since God didn’t “pre-program” us according to a set of computer codes like robots and gave us freewill and a set of principles and guidelines instead, like a self-regulation system to govern how we should act as humans. Note: it’s self-regulation. Not no regulation.

The fact that we humans are endowed with freewill simply means we ourselves choose our personality, our conduct and our thinking. As the above principle states, a wise or unwise choice only leads to one outcome, which is either good or bad, in the long run.

Consider the example from this Singaporean show that I’m currently watching. This woman has always been arrogant, generously ridiculing others with her words, always reprimanding her daughter-in-law for doing kind deeds to a neighbour. In the end, what happened? Her only son dies of an accident. There is no one left to carry the family name. Sure, for the many times that she was unkind to others, she could smile and got whatever she wanted (be it to kick one out of her house or not to help one who was in need). But in the end, the price she had to pay in life for the bad heart she chose to have.

How about the man who is now lying the Hospital Kuala Lumpur who is plagued with heart disease and diabetes? He had his fill of indulging in food and drink and tobacco throughout his life. Did he really expect to live a long, healthy life up to the age of 100 years maybe?

In the end, who is to blame? Many a time, aren’t we quickly to blame God for our “misfortunes”? Sure, “time and unforeseen occurrences befall us all” and there really are some things that happen simply because we are at the wrong place at the wrong time and due to our imperfection. But the point here is, doesn’t our actions today affect our future? How many times have we not heard to honour and respect our elders, lest our children fail to do so to us in future? How about being kind to others, especially those who are in need, and when the times comes that we are in need, will we not be “repaid” for our past kind deeds?

I’m writing this out of the blue because I realised that life is like a boomerang – what goes around comes around. I’ve personally seen and experienced how people around me have been extremely mean to others, not according respect and dignity that a fellow human deserves, and reigning over them simply because they have the power. It could be their job function, the organisation they work for, yada yada yada. But deep down, are they REALLY happy? Do they start their day with a bright, positive outlook in life? I know of one who had suffered a miscarriage, another who is over 40 and has no partner in life (and has an extremely warped thinking about marriage and family life) and another younger one who looks totally haggard and again, no one romantically interested in her (excuse me for being rude here).

I write with the intention not to judge, but as a reminder to myself. Every little thing I do has its repercussions, whether good or bad.

May I add myself as an example for failing to display my parking ticket I was issued a summon from the ever-more efficient dbkl today?

October moving on to November~~

“Wake me up when September ends…”

September has long passed and October is also approaching its end. Then, with a wink of an eye, 2011 goes and 2012 comes. Time flies, doesn’t it?

Looking back at Q1-Q3 2011 (wow, I now sound so business-like, haha!), so many things have happened. In the past 9 months (and more), I have switched jobs twice and entered a totally different industry (shocking myself along the way), finally turned the age people say you start growing OLD (-.^) and…. hmmm.. can’t think of anything else that has been noteworthy Nonetheless, they’re still counted as big changes wouldn’t you say?

Mid-February this year I took a big step out of my comfort zone, my training ground, my protected environment and left behind my dearest buddy, my awesome boss, a bunch of cool colleagues and the place where I spent most of my waking hours for almost 3 years. A hearty handshake with my boss, a tearful hug (or hugs) with some nice ladies I worked with ended my first job experience. I had mixed feelings.. Really jumbled up feelings of excitement and joy of my new freedom and sadness from leaving a glorious past. But as they say, life goes on.. And so it did.

On 2 March 2011, I began a new chapter (I shall name it merely “My Second Job”), walking into the new office and being led to the new work desk suppressing any expectations and trying to reminisce my first day at my first job (and trying to get back that frame of mind as well). So things went rather well for the first month or so and then it started. The craziness of working for a lady boss who has totally no control of her emotions began. My initial aim to stay for 2 years became 1 and then 6 months. And that was it. After 6 long months of mental torture, I decided to just take my leave. I was more than happy to do that. I even had my ex-boss, ex-boss’ buddy and buddy to celebrate with me. It was simply awesome (yes, for once, I’m lost for words!)

Since I left Swatch without another job, the first few days of my freedom was spent on job interviews. I snagged my third job on the second day of my freedom quite by accident. It was a writing job for a Japanese magazine that was now available in Malaysia in English. A big change. No, a HUGE change of industry from marketing to pure writing. I have no formal education in writing, nor wrote any “masterpieces” since secondary school maybe. So prior to accepting this job, I asked my ex-boss if I could ever write to save my life. Job-wise I think he knew me best. So when he and his buddy said to go for it, I took their words. So here I am. Fashion writer for Ray.

Seriously, even today I still cannot imagine how I ended up here. Apart from the fact that my new workplace is less than 5 minutes drive away from my house, I still don’t know why I am a fashion writer. As glamourous as it may sound to some, I know very well that I lack acute fashion sense. While I try to look good, but now “look good” is not enough. It has to be in season and putting together fashionable, in season stuff together. Phew! Exhausting just thinking about it. Well, I guess I just have to endure and learn through this new phase. Well, look at the bright side as I tell myself everyday. At least with this experience, I will have 2 career options in future AND I get to wake up at 9am everyday and be chauffeur-driven by Daddy to work almost every single day. Now, that’s the true perk most people can’t get from the most glamourous jobs in the world

Before I go, here’s a meaningful song I’d like to share:

An interesting surprise!

I got an interesting, (and pleasant) surprise today! I never knew that I would have at least ONE reader at my blog. Hahahaha.. I’m still smiling from ear to ear (yes, I am) as I write this because I never thought anyone could ever bother to read what I write. Thank you very much!

10 years down the road…

I was jumping through channels on the tv looking for something interesting to watch and reading through the synopsis of each programme (you know, the short info that Astro provides) and this drama showing on KBS caught my eye. Babyfaced Beauty – an interesting drama that revolves around a 34-year old spinster who looks very young but has to lie about her age to get her way around, until she meets a guy younger than her who falls hopelessly in love with her. (I’m sure the info didn’t say exactly that but still, that’s the gist of it, haha!) I was watching scenes of her being all alone, with no one to turn to and crying by herself on a swing at the playground. There also was this other scene where her contemporaries were either married with kids, married without kids (yet) or not so single and she said, “I haven’t even had a single relationship.” That caught me thinking about me, myself and I.

What would I be 10 years from now? I’m 24 moving on ahead (definitely nowhere backwards) and while people say I’m still very young with lots to see and do, I can’t help but feel lost. Since the first day I started working (or should I say, since I turned 21) each day has just whizzed passed like wind. Almost 3 years in the workforce, I can’t say that I’ve achieved anything (no car, no house and no love life.. ahem!). Aiming to get my first pride and joy (my Iphone) and it has not been easy, constantly evaluating myself – whether I’m just joining the bandwagon or I really need to pamper myself after 3 years’ of hard work. While I’m in the retail industry, I’m far from sophisticated in the fashion sense, though not hopelessly out of this world. So really, halfway through the 34-year old “spinter’s” life, I’m pretty much near there. Hahaha!

It’s not that I have not loved. My best friend was my love. Somehow we were more “buddies” than “lovers” but things just didn’t turn out right for us (long story, please don’t ask). 10 years later, will I be hopelessly alone with no one to turn to for a warm hug when things get tough and hard to bear? I’d be old-er by then. My contemporaries will be hugging their partners, going through thick and thin together, running after their toddling kids together, wiping icky saliva (not that I’m envious of that!), going through life together. Hmm.. What will life be like for me? Will I find “the one” before then?

I’m really not greedy, definitely not asking for much. I’m just a regular girl, hoping to find the right guy who loves me for who I am and won’t ask of me things that I don’t wish to do, things that threaten my moral beliefs, etc. I just want a stable job, work where my forte is, develop that and be “good enough”. I don’t want to be a high-profile manager of some sort. I just need enough money to survive life and achieve some dreams. I just want to drive a Honda City (ahahaha, my ultimate dream car) and live in a comfortable house, a little bigger than my current home. Hmmm.. Is it really that hard? I’d say the car and the house and also the job might not be that hard to achieve but the guy part.. the part where I fail most. Not because there isn’t a trail of guys before but the “good enough” guy just never comes around to me. He always belongs to someone else.

Well, I’m not giving up. After all, Babyfaced Beauty has only just started and there’s a good journey of story of see. Who knows? Things might just change. Never give up hope. In the end, there are still many people to love and be loved.

Cheers!

Interesting Quote to share with boys and girls alike..

While browsing through the numerous quotes I was looking to adopt on my profile, I found this interesting quote which I have to say… is makes the most sense. Hahaha..

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep… wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you’re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you…. The one who turns to his friends and says, ‘that’s her.’”

Yup, so many times we girls wish that we could change the guy in our hands to be the perfect “ideal” guy and “customise” him to fit OUR impression of what our guy should be. But really, save all the hassle. If he’s really into you, he would do anything and everything for you because you are the world to him. Wakakakaka.. (it is really funny that this is coming from me, one who technically FAILS on this subject).

Holding Back the Tears..

I was going through my News Feed on facebook as usual and found this video posted on a friend’s wall – Holding Back the Tears by Take That. The title of the song caught my eye. I’ve had these sentiments before.. Trying to hold back tears. And I know of someone who is trying hard to stay strong right now. The reality of life gives us many slaps on the face, punches right at the stomach and kicks on the butt (or wherever, I’m not familiar with physical fights). When things happen far from how we want them to be, we become depressed, downtrodden and disappointed. There are times when we just feel like giving up. That event marks the end of the world to us.. It’s true. I have felt like that many a times before. Being heart broken, disappointed and depressed for various reasons in life. It really doesn’t matter.. Time heals and it really does. Like all cuts and wounds, it takes time to heal. Sure it will be painful, especially the first couple of days  after the fall. But as days pass, it becomes less painful as you apply medication on it and bandage it with care. Similarly, we can feel hurt and pain, especially right after something happens – be it a breakup, a bitter argument with a loved one, a job lost or anything that matters to us. Sometimes, the pain is so great that it just blinds us to all the good things around us and hinders us from thinking logically and rationally (that’s why we have dumb people who kill themselves for their girl or boy or whatever). Keep in mind this very important point: Just because it hurts so bad now, doesn’t mean it will hurt this much tomorrow or the day after or the month after. Look forward to tomorrow. Our emotions may keep us from seeing our surroundings clearly but try to see the great people we have around us who are constantly supporting and encouraging us. Sure that girl that you love may never be yours, but does it mean she cares for you less as a friend? Sure that boy may have walked away and could not care less about your existence, does it mean that nobody else notices your existence and cares for you? Hardly!

While we all contemplate on the ups and downs in life, here’s the clip that inspired me to write this post. Also, another song just came up to my mind. Enjoy!

P/S: I actually cried when I heard this song on the day I found my heart broken…