How warm it is to be loved!
But as of now, it is up to imagination, “borrowed” from elsewhere. Even in the past when I was dating my ex, it felt warm, though it didn’t occur many times.. (sorry, when I was younger, I was harder to please..)
I couldn’t help but feel a little emo lately.. Blame it on the Taiwanese drama I’m currently watching and the combined weird signals I’ve been receiving and the envy I have for other girls who are erm.. “not single”. For one, everytime I watch a silly romance drama, I seem to be filled with emotions, be it envy or just the warmth feeling of love.. And that is when I am awakened to my status – single and available.
For one thing I guess if I wanted to be married, it wouldn’t be difficult. And even to be “taken” and not be single would be quite easy. I’m a girl and there are numerous single guys out there. So yes, in a way you can say that I bring this predicament upon myself.
I won’t say I’m looking for the perfect one but I really just need the right one. Guys who claim to love and yearn satisfaction for their lust are certainly not my idea of “right”. But as someone once told me, meeting him, falling in love and happily ever after only occurs in movies and dramas. Things work out accordingly to the scriptwriter’s imagination. But in reality, it’s far more complicated!
Unfortunately, guys don’t make things easier either. The things they say and do can make one’s brain go wild. Even if you try to excuse them as fiction, it keeps popping up, just like a stubborn pimple. In my experience I’ve had many. Yes, more than one, two or even three.. The worst would be from those whom I have had crushes on and very clearly know that they are too perfect to be reached..!!
The point is to give up or shamelessly persevere? I’d like to view it as a dream.. And like the dreams we sink into every night, we must wake up when morning comes. To save myself, my fragile heart and my even more fragile confidence and dignity.., it always seemed better to just let go and suffer a little silent pain. No embarassment, no further pain of finding out other painful truths.
It’s fun to dream and borrow the happiness, delight and warm love between two lovers.. But maybe it’s time to return this “borrowed” happiness and love.. Cease thinking and giving fuel to imagination of unrealistic expectations. Just let go, pick myself up and move on. After repeating a couple of times, it hardens my heart and I. I seem to feel that I won’t find that right one ever. Even if I did, he would be taken or interested in someone else. I’ll never be good enough for him. This is one show where the underdogs don’t win. Haha..
Yet, I’m still feeling drowsy.. My heart still hopes despite the my mind’s ironic thoughts.
