What’s going on?

A confession: I truly understand the feeling of a herd of cattle stuck in the barn… I felt like a lembu dilepas kandang.

I miss the days when we could go anywhere and everywhere right after class at non-peak hours, ranging from 11am to 3pm and 8pm to the next morning. I miss practicing my vocals at a certain nearby “vocal-training coloured box” and sing till I croak like a frog. I miss going out “yam char” at 12am and chatting with friends about anything and everything and not have any cares and worries about the world… (erm, that kinda explains my dark circles sometimes). I miss wandering around Kuala Lumpur till the wee hours of the night, driving as if the whole street belonged to us (no traffic laws broken!) and looking at KL from a different point of view. Yes, I miss my life before I was bonded to a contract of constant sleepiness and exhaustion => a life of work, work and home.. Please do not get me wrong. It’s just that sometimes stress and anxiety comes FROM home. I’m sure many can emphatise with me.

Gimme just one night…! That’s all I need to recharge.

Look what I found when my dad brought me to buy crabs recently. Poor blind tweety bird was cast away in a communal dump. This dump was situated in a housing estate right across a row of houses. Besides one-eyed tweety, also found in the midst an old mattress, a hole-y couch and other discarded rubbish. People with any unwanted items will just discard them in this “unofficial” communal dump.

This is just a small example of the “creativity” of Malaysian today. We are living in a civilised time with advancing (if not already advanced) technology. Yet something so simple as throwing our own garbage at the proper place just slips off our “civilised” minds. It seems to be a heavy burden to keep a sweet wrapper in our pockets till we find a trash can. Yet we don’t mind carrying out 3kg laptop around town. Ironic isn’t it?

I am not Chinese-educated. In fact, I know very little Chinese (yet, I’m Chinese). Most of the words I know now are words I learned from kindergarten – cow, goat, flower, big, small and hand. Yup, just that much. I never saw the importance in learning Chinese. I have always wanted to learn another language – Japanese, French, Spanish, Thai, any language, except Chinese. I just didn’t have the desire to learn Chinese. It’s not that I’m prejudiced against the language. I was contented with the few words I can utter and the basic words to survive. However, when I was in Form 4, I began mixing with a new group of friends. We were known as the 6 Bananas (please don’t ask me why). Out of the six of us, I was the only non-Chinese educated. Interesting huh? It was from then on that I began to appreciate the Chinese language. You’d be interested to know how and why. Peer-pressure. Hahaha… Yup, this is what I view as positive peer-pressure. I wanted to truly be a part of the group. I wanted to communicate with my friends well. But I had an obstacle. Chinese is totally different from English and Bahasa Malaysia. Chinese words are composed of strokes while English words are composed of alphabets. I have to admit, being lazy, I hated the idea of memorising words. So I decided that I would be content with learning the art to speak in Chinese. My friends were very supportive. I have my gurus Pei Wen, Chee Kit and Thiam Choy to thank. The experience is very humbling. It made me realize that English is important but not the most important language in the world. In the past, my friends and I thought that knowing English makes us more superior than others. In fact, some of my friends in primary school looked down upon the Chinese language and people who come from Chinese schools. How wrong are we! I realized that the ones missing out more are us. “Everyone that exalts himself will be humiliated, but he that humbles himself will be exalted” - Luke 18:14. We are the ones who should be looked down upon for our ignorance. In my dealings with my new friends, I have come to see how humble they are and the true qualities of friendship. They have taught me the value of friendship. They also taught me that while competition is good but it can also tear down friendship if we are not careful. I have learned that what a person truly is inside is more important than his/her intelligence. While learning the Chinese language, I have learned far more than I asked for. Thank you, Six Bananas!!!

Everyone has been asking me what I would be doing during my break. Just over a month ago I was screaming for some fresh air and wishing hard that a day had 25 hours instead (I’m sure that most of us would appreciate that extra hour.) I have been eagerly anticipating the day my exam ends and I can get away from it all – assignment datelines, homework and agonisingly boring lectures (all students think alike!). Now that I can finally enjoy my holiday, I’m ACTUALLY expected to be busy with something??!! I’m speechless…!!

But then again, I totally understand there are such expectations. After all, “every man should eat and drink and see good for all his hard work. It is the gift of God” – Ecclesiastes 3:13. We all find joy in work and satisfaction in our accomplishments. However, one cannot help but be amused at the irony of human thinking. When we are busy, we yearn to be free and have some time for ourselves. However, when we are free, we yearn to be busy. Funny isn’t it? I’m sure many would agree that sometimes work can be relaxing and refreshing too. Especially when we indulge in things that we particularly enjoy. A break does not mean that one totally abstains from doing anything. That would be a great waste of time isn’t it? A break means taking time off our daily routine. That includes doing things that we have always wanted to do but never had the time. Things like learning a new language, learning how to cook, sewing, acquiring a skill in carpentry, getting in touch with old friends or even painting. Or one could do things that he/she used to enjoy doing but have somehow lost touch such as, reading, making handicrafts and writing.

As for me, although my usual reply to “What are you gonna do during your holidays?” is “I haven’t planned anything yet”, I actually have in mind a long list of things I’d like to do. Things that I used to enjoy but have lost touch. Things that I once loved but have forsaken. My passion for writing. My love for music. My affection for toys. My care for people. Yes, I’d like to write again. I used to write a lot when I was in secondary school until I somehow stopped when I was in college. I’d also rekindle my love for music, to enjoy every note and word of a song. I’d like to spend some time with my friends and to reignite the sparks of our friendships. Yes, this would keep me occupied throughout my break.

Oh yeah, I kinda forgot. I also have to do some exercise to get back in shape… I know I know. Please don’t laugh <sob sob>